Archive for June, 2011

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One day and counting…they got me

June 30, 2011

This is pretty early in the day for me to be posting, but since my time is wrapping up here, I wanted to write while this was all still fresh in my mind.  I just came back from having lunch with my team of twelve people.  Let me begin by telling you that I’m really not close with any of them.  I have been social twice, once with two different people.  I have two of the twelve sitting in my cube row, and I rarely ever talk to them.  I’ve only had lunch with five of them over the course of my almost six years here.  I made fun of how they thought they might get me a Kindle.  Yesterday I spoke about how I didn’t think I would miss anything or anyone here.  And I get annoyed by the dude who says “Good morning” every day to me.  (What a curmudgeon I am!).  But today, they got me.

I seriously almost shed a tear.  I didn’t, but I almost did.  They got me two gifts:  a gift certificate to my most fav knit shop in the city, and a very nice ballpoint pen with an engraving on it that said, “Follow your dreams”.  This isn’t what got me, though.  It was the sentiments in the cards (yep, two of them!).  This one girl spoke of how she admired my courage to speak my mind and go after my dreams.  Someone else mentioned that when I get published I should let them know so they can “bump up my Amazon ratings”.  But what really got me almost to tears, was my manager.  We have known each other since 2005, and we have been through a lot together here.  He is not the type of person to ever share his feelings or be emotional about something.  But on the card he said, “Thank you for being a straight talking, dedicated colleague and friend”.  I feel a bit choked up just thinking about it now.  (I must be feeling overly emotional).

I must admit I’m now feeling a bit guilty for not trying to take more time to get to know these people over the last few years.  I made an effort with some, and literally dismissed others. In fact just yesterday I was commenting on how I wasn’t going to give anyone my contact info.  Well, I might give my info to 1-3 more people between today and tomorrow.  Although, then they may read this blog, and hate me.  I guess I’ll have to think about that.

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Two days and counting

June 29, 2011

Today I had my last “one on one” (don’t worry, I won’t allude to how dirty my mind is again, oh, wait,  I just did) with my manager.  He and I have been through a lot these five plus years.  We talked about what happened, why I’m leaving, what went wrong, and what he could have done differently.  At the end of all that, he said, “Well, I assume you’ll miss some things, and some of us”.  I kept quiet for what was probably too long, because he didn’t even give me a chance to reply, before saying, “I hope you will at least”.  I finally replied with the most honest and least hurtful answer, “I’ll let you know in a month”. (more…)

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High School Reunions

June 28, 2011

Apparently my high school reunion is coming up this summer.  The tricky part for me is which high school do I turn down?  Do I feel allegiance to the high school where I started or the high school where I ended?  My high school career was split right down the middle between two schools: Houston, TX and Fairfield, CT.  It was pretty brutal being ripped away from my friends at the end of my Sophomore year.  I had spent what felt like a lifetime with those people (since first grade), and then my parents moved us all the way across the country.  I guess they bought into the whole, children are resilient philosophy.  (more…)

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Relationships can suck

June 27, 2011

Our babysitter had her heart-broken this weekend.

When I walked in the door this evening, home from work, August and her were sitting at the table.  August extremely content holding the yellow crayon in his hand and doodling away, meanwhile her eyes were swollen from all the tears that had been shed over the past three days.  She’s typically the most positive person I know.  She literally brightens up a room, and August loves her to pieces.  Today was going to be a tough day for her.  Not only was she having to move her stuff out of her boyfriend’s apartment, but she has grown quite attached to August and she felt like she might not see him again.  (Since, I’ve quit my job, we will no longer need her on a regular basis after today.)  I quickly reassured her, that today is merely her last scheduled day with August, because “…trust me, Brent and I will be needing you at some point in the near future.  In fact, come to think of it, what are you doing Saturday night?” An ever so slight grin appeared across her face.  (more…)

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Food glorious food

June 26, 2011

Does everyone have a “thing” about food? Is there anyone out there that actually has a healthy relationship or attitude about food?  My husband, might be the only person I know that comes even close to this.  But I’ll tell you who isn’t normal about food – my family.  I was down this past weekend visiting, and let me tell you I could probably write at least two posts a day if I lived with them.  They give me so much material to write about, I literally began jotting down ideas in the short two days I was there.  (more…)

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Creativity Lost

June 25, 2011

I finally figured it out today – where my creativity got lost.  It was my childhood, and similar to most other things, it’s my parent’s fault.  When I had August, and he started showing his imagination, I thought, “Wow, so we’re born with these things?”.  I was amazed to discover that we all have an imagination at some point, it’s what you do with it that causes it to go one direction or another.  I’m down in Southern California visiting my parents with my son, and I quickly realized that my parents do not embrace the imagination.  They have used every opportunity to correct August when he is pretending.  I’ll give you an example.  At some point my father went out to walk the dog and August said to my mother, “Where’d Grandpa go?” My mother responded with “He went to walk the dog” August then said, “Maybe he’s in the trees”. And my mother quickly corrected him and told him that was not possible. Why not play along?  Why not let August think his grandfather was in the trees?  What does it hurt to embrace his imagination a little? 

I’ve often wondered why I had no creativity in my life as a child.  I don’t remember coloring.  The only memory of I have of finger painting is once in Pre-School.  My parents never signed us up for any art classes, or photography classes.  We didn’t have play doh around, nor did we have any modeling clay.  I tell people this story all the time, but it’s true. When I was little I tried very hard tp find an imaginary friend.  I really wanted one, but I was already too logical.  I always envious of the kids that did have one.  When I think about all this, I realize it’s really no wonder why I’m scared as hell about writing my 1500 word fictional short story this week.  My parents squashed my imagination with their logic. 

Children really are incredible.  The things that we’re just born with is amazing.  We naturally trust everyone.  We naturally love our family.  We are born happy people, and we are all born with an imagination.  It is our duty as parents to help it to flourish and blossom all these things including their creativity even if it doesn’t come naturally for us any longer.  Without us helping our children along, they will lose it.  Then one day, many, many years later, they’ll be sitting there one day looking at a blank piece of paper wondering why their struggling to write one sentence of fiction.

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Thank god for cereal

June 24, 2011

August and I took the most ideal plane trip with a toddler possible.  Our trip was a quick jaunt down to Orange County from San Francisco to visit my parents.  We arrived at the airport about an hour early.  We immediately went straight to our gate, and parked our stroller.  I allowed August to guide where we would walk.  He walked up and down several flights of stairs, because stairs are very cool if you’re not aware.  There was also a small person red table with five blue and green chair around it. August and I would go over to the table and “order lunch” consisting of yogurt, cheese, prunes, chocolate and cookies.  Oh, and we “drank marshmallows”. Personally, I would have skipped everything and gone straight for the chocolate and marshmallow drink, but i wasn’t in charge.  Then since we were flying Southwest, we got in line behind person A29 (we flew Southwest), and waited for our turn to board.  There were plenty of seats so August got his very own first window seat, and I sat in the middle. 

He was amazing.  We ate his dinner, we read Mr Tickle and Miss Giggles, we played hide and seek with his “Ducky”, and we giggled the whole way down.  I really had fun with him.  I even ordered a Diet Coke and got to drink it peacefully – no spills, no trying to take it away from me, nothing.  If that wasn’t enough to impress you, he sat in his seat buckled in for the last 35 minutes of the flight, eating cereal.  This was my tactic to get him to swallow during the decent, and it worked like a charm.  Nothing like a whole bowl of cereal to protect against blocked ears.  Once the ride was over, we were waiting to get off the plane.  A woman behind us, who August was making at eyes at the whole ride (sometimes I question his taste in women, but maybe that improves with age and wisdom), and she said “He was better behaved than most adults”.  “Thanks”, I said, with a smile and a giggle.  I was so proud of us.  Only our second solo flight, and we aced it.  I was only disappointed that they no longer give out wings.

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Homework

June 23, 2011

You know what really chaps my hide? People who don’t complete their homework assignments. If I haven’t already come off a nerd, I’m about to. I have never cheated on a test or assignment, and I’ve always completed my homework. Maybe my hatred for you other people out there comes from that little green monster(no I’m not talking about the jolly green giant), but I don’t care!

I really struggled this week to complete not only the fifty some pages of reading, but also my 1500 word personal essay. It took me three days just to complete the writing and another two to take all the crap out. Then I walk into class, proud of the fact that I finished (besides the fact that it wasn’t half bad either) only to find half of the class didn’t finish. You could literally see the smoke rising up my heart, into my lungs and through my nose and ears.  I was so angry that I had difficulty concentrating for the next three hours of class.  To make matters worse, we were breaking into small groups to review each other’s writing.  Great – we’re missing four out of eight stories.  The teacher came up with the genius idea to just read whatever they had written.  Now we had to read incomplete essays.  I admit to being slightly pissed because if I had known it was “okay” not to complete my essay, maybe I wouldn’t have.  How did they know that option even existed?  They better be docked on their final grade, and me, well, I better get a better grade because I did finish my homework.  (Yes, I realize I sound like a child, but I am the youngest.)

It turned out fine, in the end.  We were still able to learn from their shanty essays, but we found those essays confusing.  One question we had to answer is “what is the point?”.  The point is to finish your assignments, people.  When your essay is incomplete, coming up with the “point” is practically impossible.  Don’t people know that their incompetency or selfishness affects everyone? It’s just plain rude in a writing class not to finish the writing. We’re not asking for perfection. Just a little sensitivity and a damn rough draft, please?

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A Kindle

June 22, 2011

If I was unsure about giving notice, I’m not anymore. Let me paint a picture for you. I walk into my second to last “one on one” (yeah, I know, bad choice of words, but it’s not mine) with my manager and I proceed to tell him about how I’m having a problem completing my last project because I’m not a programmer, and have never claimed to be one. But that’s what was needed for this project. There was another person in our group there, and the next thing I know the two of them are talking about something and I’m completely lost. Normally, this would freak me out because I knew at any minute I would be found out. I have no clue what I’m doing here. Instead, I smiled, knowingly. I’m out of here in seven days.

A few hours later, someone in my group decides to share that they are giving me a gift at the lunch they are throwing for me. So sweet. I never expected a lunch, much less a gift. My friend says to me “How would you feel about a Kindle?”. Umm, wow, I’ve spent almost six freaking years in this place and they think I would like a Kindle? Seriously? I guess they haven’t read my home page on this blog that clearly states, “I aspire to become a Luddite”. Okay, so maybe they don’t read my blog, but I have talked numerous times about having no cable, no I-pood, (fine, work gave me one, but as of seven days from now, it’s no longer mine) and no car. Does that sound like someone who wants a Kindle? I’ll even push this further. One of my favorite smells, right up there with fresh-cut grass, is the smell of an old book. The creak a hardback book makes when you first crack it open is priceless. And to top it off the San Francisco library is amazing. I can find a book I want online, have it sent to my closest branch, renew it online, and it’s all free. The Kindle will never give you any of those experiences. And Amazon knows it because their ad on TV (we have an antenna – we’re not quakers, after all) with two people talking about just that in reference to the Kindle. The punchline is something about how cool the Kindle is.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it. It is cool to download a book, throw it in your purse and be on your way. It’s small, it’s lightweight, and it’s easy. But I love books. And I want to be a writer. Do writers out there choose a Kindle over an actual book? Maybe they do, I don’t know. Somehow it seems to go against the grain of what I writer should be. But what do I know? Anyways, so I said to my friend, without thinking “I hate Kindles”, and went on from there explaining the extent to which I hate Kindles. At the end he said to me, “Okay, so a Kindle is out”. Uh, yeah. But after I hung up the phone, I smiled for the second time. Seven more days.

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Almost forgot

June 21, 2011

I have to write a 1500 word essay, and fuck it’s hard.  Initially I thought, this will be a snap, so instead of doing some work this weekend, I left this assignment until last-minute.  I have until Thursday night to complete my assignment, time is ticking, and I’m only at word 798.  Ouch, it’s Tuesday in case you’re not sure what day it is.  I really did think, oh I’ll just write about how I was tortured as a child, and the words will just come – think again.  I’m now getting nervous that I won’t complete the assignment.  Then of course, the pity party starts.  I’m not going to make it as a writer, I can’t possibly take this writing program because I’m no writer, who am I kidding.  And I don’t even know what a “to-be” verb is.  My teacher’s feedback on my writing assignment last week was “get rid of the to-be verbs”.  Shit what is a to-be verb?  I’ve had to look it up three times now because I can’t seem to remember.  In case you’re interested though, they are :  be, been, being, is, was, were, am and are (shit now I’ve looked four times!).

Anyhow, I had given up on my 1500 word essay and decided maybe I’ll finish up my reading assignments instead, and I shut down the computer.  Dammit – my blog, my pledge.  Reboot, and here I am.  Sorry it’s short, I’m all worded out for the night.

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