But I’ve decided that Father’s Day is a scam maniacally perfected over centuries by some woman incredibly wise beyond her years. If you believe in Adam and Eve, maybe it was Eve. If you believe in God, and that God is a woman, maybe it was her. Or maybe it was Medusa (that serpent-headed woman) for all I know. Whomever she was, she was brilliant.
Here’s what she did. Centuries ago she came up with this holiday called Father’s Day and made men believe that all they really wanted to do on that day was to grill, do a little gardening, and drink beers all day. Okay, ladies, are you catching on yet? Do you know what this means? You can sit on your ass all freaking day while your husband, father to your children, is in the backyard slaving over a hot grill making you dinner and cleaning up the yard, and all you have to do is bring him the occasional beer. Do you know what I’ve done today? Fuck all. Nada. Nothing. I’ve done a little online shopping (I’m looking for what’s apparently called a drawstring anorak), bought Brent a six-pack of beer, and sat in my beach chair in the backyard while he and August did a little weeding while tending to the ribs on the grill. Not too shabby for Father’s Day, huh? I feel guilty in fact.
So seriously, who knew that Father’s Day is secretly another Mother’s Day? I certainly didn’t know, but I wanted to make sure to share with all you moms out there before the day is over and you haven’t had the chance to enjoy your day. Happy Father’s Day everyone.